you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
