Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
