I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
