WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
