i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Everyone says I win the strip club
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
