i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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