thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
