So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
