I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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