i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
In America we eat man semen.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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