she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
