I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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