A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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