I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
