I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
it was like eating out sand paper
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
