Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
