So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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