So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
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I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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