he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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