Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
