My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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