DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
