I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
