Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
