I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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