i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
