We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
