I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize