i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Did I show you my penis last night?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
