someone get that fucking seahorse.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
