im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
