i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Two words: nipple clamps
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