I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
