i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
