It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
