He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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