Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
