Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
