My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
