How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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