I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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