We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
