I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
