I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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