he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
