I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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