if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
