Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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