I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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