I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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