my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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