currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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