I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
