If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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