He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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