cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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