Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
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I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
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If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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