is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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