Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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