dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
