She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize