My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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