so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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