my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
