Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
