is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
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Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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