I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
