so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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