Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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