im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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