She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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