the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
