Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
