hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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