Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize