It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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