i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
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KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
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Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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