I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize