I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
